wynddancer: (junior)

2003-07-18 - 11:10 a.m.

7-18-03

I haven’t felt like doing much. My Dad died last month. Tuesday, June 17, 2003. It wasn’t totally unexpected. He’d had throat cancer. He was undergoing chemo, and it made him pretty sick. He’d almost died earlier a few days before, but he came through it. He was released from the hospital, then went back in a few days later b/c he had double pneumonia in both lungs. Granny called mom to tell her that Dad was back in the hospital and why on Sunday since she couldn’t get a hold of me. I was at work that weekend. We called around trying to get information from someone Sunday and Monday. Monday we were told he was being moved to a hospice, and that would take some time. Tuesday we were trying to get more information as to where he was, where the hospice was, no one was being helpful. I went to work both Monday and Tuesday and so did mom. Tuesday we packed to go down there on Wednesday. We’d planned on leaving early Wed, since it’s a 7-hour drive to where he was. I wanted to be there by 12:00. I’d called Maggie earlier to get directions to the hospital/hospice. She called Mom Tuesday night to say Dad had died. Earlier, they’d thought he wouldn’t die until the weekend. Sat or Sun. Maggie was on her way home from the hospital when I’d called her on her cell phone. She was going back down there Friday. She said then that Dad was in bad shape, and that he was doing good if he recognized you. The hospice had given him a shot for his coughing and it had relaxed his muscles and he’d just died then. Didn’t sleep much that night. One the one hand, it was kinda oh, well, and on the other it really hurt more than I thought it would. We’d never been all that close. I basically saw him once a year, maybe 2-3 a year.

His family is a bunch of assholes and as far as I’m concerned they can go to hell. I’ve disowned them after their behavior towards me after he died. No one called me about anything except for that one time by Granny. It was Mom and I calling them. We called trying to get information about where it was right? Got lied to. Told he was being moved to a hospice in Town S, he stayed in Town A and was moved to the hospice at the hospital. I’m told Kim (the oh, so precious, slut, former stepdaughter of his—no blood relation at all to the Anderson family. Dad was married to their mom for several years that’s it. Kim was already in college even when they got married. She’s a lying backstabbing bitch who goes after other people’s husbands. Yup, she’s been trying to fuck her way into the Anderson family for a long time. Keith’s wife hates her cause Kim has gone after Keith. Keith doesn’t like her either. Considering her behavior, I’ve often wondered if she didn’t fuck Daddy. Bitch even showed up for the Anderson Christmas trees/parties after Louisa—her mom—and Dad got divorced. She has her own Dad, why take mine? Even after Louisa and Dad were divorced for a long, long time, she still showed up. Bitch.) Oh, yeah, I’m told Kim had the call list for the funeral arrangements! Why her? She’s not a family member. But she and Maggie, snobby bitch—Maggie—are such good friends. Slut whore bitch never called mom or me. Mom called her brother, Uncle J, who lives in Town K and is friends with the Andersons to get the funeral arrangements Wed night. No one from Dad’s family had called us all day. Oh, yeah, Tuesday night, asshole 2 called (can’t remember his name right now) Mom to tell Mom Dad had died. Wednesday night I called asshole 2, to get florist information and directions to the church for the funeral. Ass 2 also let it be known, that there was going to be a family luncheon at the church at 12—the funeral was at 2 on Friday in Town S! No one ever called me about the luncheon to invite me. I would never have known about it if asshole 2 hadn’t been drunk that night. I said thank you for calling my mom Tuesday night and he said to me “Well, I didn’t want to call her, but J (Mom’s brother) said for me to call her since it was doubtful anyone else had to tell her about Burdett.” God! Can you believe he said that to me! And the obituary that was put into the paper has to be seen to be believed. Burdett Anderson is survived by his four daughters: Michelle Anderson, Melinda (current stepdaughter no blood relation), Kim, and Annette (Kim’s sister and both are ex stepdaughter)! No, I’m serious here. That was actually put into the paper. Kim and Maggie planned it together. Talk about a slap in the face. It was in the Thursday edition of the newspaper. I’d planned on going to the funeral, but I didn’t after that. I felt no particular urge to subject myself to any further nastiness on their part. The Anderson family did everything but tell me to stay away from them. The obituary just showed their true low class, country bumpkin, trash colors and had everyone asking questions. People were calling Mom and me and asking “I thought Burdett just had the one daughter?” since the obit confused them. Yup, that’s right. Mom said at least I got top billing. I’m surprised it wasn’t last myself. The obit from what I understand has caused a backlash even in the Anderson family. Maggie is trying to distance herself from Kim and trying to blame it on Louisa (Kim’s mom). Yeah, right. I understand Kim really gave them a show at the funeral by running around sobbing, saying “What’re we gonna do now that Daddy’s dead?” Daddyfucking bitch. Uncle Jerry says asshole 2 and his son Kevin stopped by Jerry’s place and asshole 2 said “I don’t know why Michelle wasn’t at the funeral. I know she was coming.” Kevin, his son, said “It’s obvious after that obituary. I don’t blame her for not showing up. I wouldn’t have either.” Heeeheee. And can you imagine Kim’s actual dad’s reaction to the obit? Being called a daughter of Burdett Anderson? I know she had a good relationship with HER father since she was always talking about him and looking forward to seeing him at Christmas, etc. Hell, if I was him, I’d disown the bitch. I know HER dad helped her by putting her through college, buying her a car, etc. EVERTHING MY DAD didn’t do for ME. And this is how she repays him? I said to mom “Well, does this mean I get to trade? If my dad’s hers, then is her dad mine? I’d be more loyal than the one he’s got.”

I had some sunflowers sent to the funeral, and I’m told by Granny that it was the best, most appropriate arrangement. It was sunflowers and wheat stalks. Dad was a farmer/combine driver for hire. Cynthia (Dad’s current wife) who has her family in Town S, and has already buried one husband in Town S insisted on having the funeral and burial in Town S even though she and Dad had only been married about 5 years, and all of Dad’s family is in Town K, TX 7 hours away from Town S. What a bitch. Cynthia also sent me a thank you card for sending flowers to my Dad’s funeral. NOT A SYMPATHY CARD, a THANK YOU CARD. Can you believe it? NOT ONE OF DAD’S FAMILY EVER SENT ME A SYMPATHY CARD!!! Even the bitchy relatives on Mom’s side that I’ve hardly ever seen sent me a sympathy card!!!!!!!!

I’m through with the family. I don’t care anymore. After Granny dies, I won’t have anything to do them anymore. I haven’t seen Granny either since he died. I want too. Last Sunday I called her number and left a message on the answering machine inviting her over to my house for lunch. She never called me back. I’m going to try again this weekend.

All in all, I’m very upset and hurt by Dad’s family’s behavior and by his when he was alive. I tried to connect with him, but I never did. Mom always said “Never doubt he loves you.” Oh, yeah, why not? I’ve never seen it in his behavior. Gee and I wonder where my issues with men come from?!

I’m trying to make myself communicate and get out of the house instead of staying in so……..On happier notes, I’ve seen League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Okay movie, fun, but it was more just introducing the characters for the sequel. Finding Nemo was fun and funny. Pirates of the Carribean I’m in love with. I adore it. I wouldn’t mind paying to see it again. Johnny Deep is just too funny, and the movie is good.

Reading Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix. Am I only one actually glad when that character dies? I don't like bullies. I was bullied enough in elementary and jr. high to know better.

I’ll be so glad when they are through with the construction at work. Now, they’ve ripped up the parking lot to repave it. Argh!

wynddancer: (junior)
Get your own diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry 2003-06-13 - 7:53 a.m.

Well, it's Friday the 13th today. It can't be any worse than the Wednesday I had, can it? Oh wait, maybe it could. Really don't wanna find out though.

Wednesday, I didn't feel good but I came in to work anyway since it was my turn to work for the coworker who quite earlier. I didn't want to look like I was callin' in sick b/c I didn't want to do the job that day. I couldn't even shower or brush my teeth at home that morning. The water main had broken in front of my house at 1:30 am Wed. morning. The utility crew was out there by 3 am to work on it, but they were still working on it when I got up to shower and get ready for week. I felt so disgusting and smelly all day long. It was awful. My shower is my coffee. It wakes me up. I don't drink coffee since I don't like it. Then at work, I spent 40 minutes looking for the samples. Couldn't find them. Finally, I found them. Set up solids on them. Found out they didn't need solids ran, just the other analysis. Grrrrr. Then the robotics system went wonky on me when it came to the set up. What should have taken only 30-40 minutes to do, took over 3 hours of fighting with the robotics system. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Not to mention, of course, that I also had to do MY JOB that day also. I had maybe one short 10 minute break at 2 pm to eat my lunch, my cup of yogurt, since I was trying to leave at 3, instead of the usual two 15 minute breaks. I needed to leave at 3 (and leaving at 3 was overtime for me that day) since mom (a cosmetologist) was going to work on my hair.

A few months ago, I'd cut my hair off short. I liked it. It's straight hair.........mom convinced to put at perm in for volume. I thought it would be either wavy or straight. They can do perms these days to give volume which leaves the hair straight or slightly wavy. I wanted a perm for volume. Oh.MY.GOD. It's so curly I wanna cry and scream. I feel like just dye my hair red and put me in clown school. I HATE IT SO MUCH. Words cannot express my dislike of this hair and it's style now. She even cut it off shorter than I wanted it too.

Yesterday I went to Adult CPR class and Infant/Child CPR. It's good to get certified in these things.

We've hired a new guy! And it's actually male! Not a female! Major shock. Considering my boss, she usually hires females. I was rooting for a guy this time. He's supposed to start Tuesday. Whhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeee. Won't have to help cover that job during the week anymore! YES! We'll see how he works out. Boss lady said he acted eager to get started. He's in college majoring in biology? chemistry? Can't remember which one. Probably around 20. African American. That's all I know about him.

Got up late today, so I didn't have time to blow dry my hair before I left for work. Now, it's really curly looking. Yuck.

I just wish I could get out of the mood I've been in lately. I'm so angry all the time and I don't know why. I feel like I've got a permanent case of bad PMS right now. Maybe it's b/c I've been forgetting my thyroid med lately? And my iron pill? I have got to start remembering to take them. It's not helping, even if it's not the cause of it. I know I need some sleep too. I haven't slept good or much lately. Part of it is all these thunderstorms we've been having lately. Part of it is I hate sleeping and consider it a waste of time. I need a vacation I think. It's been over a year since I had one. And I have to work Sat and Sun this weekend. Yech.

I got to see my cousin Dale who I haven't seen in about a year and half. He was supervising the crew working on the street repair after the utility crew repaired the water main. It was nice talking to him. I always did like him.

More frigging thunderstorms. I've about decided I'm not meant to be online between the way the phone line has been acting up in the computer room, all the thunderstorms (every day this week and on and off for several weeks), and the way yahell as been acting. Sigh.

Got to work today. Remembered thyroid pill. Waiting for the hour to pass so I can eat. I'm hungry now. Whiny. Irritated with everything. Since I'm working the weekend, I get the following Friday off. It's the boss's way of avoiding paying us overtime for working the weekend. I'm considering taking off Wed and Thurs too although I don't have anywhere to go or money to go with. Maybe even if I just take the time off and stay home, it'll put me in a better mood. It's worth a try, ne?

I don't know if Dad is going to survive the summer or not. He has throat cancer but it's spread to his lymph nodes. He's been let out of intensive care but mom doesn't think he's gonna survive the summer. He went down real fast one day. His blood pressure was zero, granny (his mom) said. Mom and Dad have been divorced since I was three. I don't know Dad real well. Basically, I've only ever seen him once a year at Christmas. I've always wished to have had a relationship with him. But. It never happened. Every time he get sick, everyone expects me to run down there and be with him. What the hell? Cause he's my Dad? He's a stranger to me, and I always feel awkward around him. I don't know what to do or how to behave around him. I do feel like I should go down there and see him, but it's a day's drive--about 12 hours. It's selfish of me, but I don't want to drive that long just to see him or use up my vacation time for that. Even when he lived in a town about 20 minutes from me, he never came to visit me when I was growing up or called me and did as little as he could get away with. I think the only reason I saw him at Christmas was so he could take me out to his side of the family's Christmas tree and look like a good Dad to me. And he'd alway say we'll get together and do dinner next time I'm here. And he'd be here and I wouldn't even know about until he left since he never followed through. Never once did he follow through on his "We'll have dinner" promise. I've so many mixed emotions about this. I think I've his current mail address. I've mailed a get well card to him. I might mail a few letters to him. I've always wanted to be Daddy's girl and I never was. I envy those who were.

I may or may not have colon cancer myself and I'm not that old. Thanks to my family history and genetics. My primary care dr wants me to see a gasteroentologist about my stomach problems, which includes symptoms of colon cancer. Yikes. The doctor is supposed to call me Monday about which tummy doctor he wants me to see. With an appointment set up for me. Huh? I need to do that, not him. This is stressing me out.

His mom is 94 yrs old this year. Congrats to her. Wow. I hope I'm still as active and healthy as she is. She's still driving herself around. I've mailed her a b-day card. Nope, I'm not real close to Dad's side of the family.

Grrrr. The break room with the vending machine has a meeting in it, so I can't get into it to get something to eat for breakfast. I didn't eat breakfast at home since i was running late. Great. I'm trying not to get grumpy from being hungry, but I do when my blood sugar gets low. Mood worsening. Trying to not let it do so though.

My nails are finally getting long again. I thought they'd never grow back.

Well, that's enough out of me for now.

Ja ne, minna-san!

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wynddancer

February 2012

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